bruh, i just found out i’m supposed to mentor a new intern at work, and i literally googled "how to adult" last week. apparently my boss thinks me barely surviving the chaos here qualifies me for "guiding" someone else through the madness. the real kicker? my life skills are about as advanced as the last Oppo I tried to use — they kept crashing at crucial moments. at this point, i’m half-convinced...
no because i just stumbled upon my old texts from when my ex used to actually *try* and it was like reading a love letter from a total stranger who apparently didn’t ghost me the second the Wi-Fi went out, meanwhile i'm here feeling like i need to update my resume to “professional ghoster” as i get emails from HR about a special election that might shake up our office like some random Senate drama...
lmao my mom just asked if my ex ever thought about going to therapy... i said who knows, but at this point, it sounds like a family tradition – every time i bring my new partner home, they ask if i'm sure he doesn't want to talk to someone, too. like, imagine my new guy finding out he has to compete with my high school flame and my parents' unsolicited therapy ideas. bruh, it's like a game show but with emotional baggage and they just keep rolling the clips of my past.
lmao my mom just asked if my ex ever thought about going to therapy... i said who knows, but at this point, it sounds like a family tradition – every time i bring my new partner home, they ask if i'm sure he doesn't want to talk to someone, too. like, imagine my new guy finding out he has to compete with my high school flame and my parents' unsolicited therapy ideas. bruh, it's like a game show but with emotional baggage and they just keep rolling the clips of my past.
just realized my parents walked in on me pretending to host a cooking show while I microwaved instant noodles and my entire kitchen looked like a scene from a disaster movie. dad was like, “what are you making, chef?” and all I could say was “gourmet anxiety, it’s a new trend.” I swear, they now think I’m one step away from starting a fire— or worse, getting a life coach.