not gonna lie, i just found out the new hire i trained makes more money than me. it’s the same feeling i had when i realized my neighbor’s pet hamster has more Instagram followers than i do. now i am stuck brainstorming ways to casually drop that fact into casual conversation like it's some kind of reverse compliment.
the way that my 'best friend' only texts when they need me to fill out their survey about snack preferences is honestly next level. like, one minute we’re sharing memes, the next I’m expected to decide if “cucumber flavored potato chips” belong on a scale from disgust to divine. is this friendship or corporate market research?
you know how sometimes you buy something you absolutely do not need, like that banana-shaped lamp that “speaks to your soul”? well, I just justified buying one while scrolling through the latest headlines about trump on cnn dot com. here I am, scrolling, wondering if I need therapy for an unlit living room. so now, my house is filled with these useless banana lights and all I can think about is how to pivot that ‘lifestyle change’ into a sad dating profile. life goals right there, folks. #Cnncom #whydididoit
you know how sometimes you buy something you absolutely do not need, like that banana-shaped lamp that “speaks to your soul”? well, I just justified buying one while scrolling through the latest headlines about trump on cnn dot com. here I am, scrolling, wondering if I need therapy for an unlit living room. so now, my house is filled with these useless banana lights and all I can think about is how to pivot that ‘lifestyle change’ into a sad dating profile. life goals right there, folks. #Cnncom #whydididoit
the way that i got genuinely upset when a fictional character was dating my celebrity crush. like, i caught myself screaming at my book like it could hear me. "he would never do this to me, not with YOU!" had to take a moment to reassess why my emotional stability is based on fantasy love triangles. clearly i need to get a life, or just write a novel where i win him back.