my mom said “i’m not mad, i’m just disappointed” while pulling out a three-pound fruitcake she made last year and saved as ‘evidence’ of my life choices—like, should i have consulted a psychic before switching jobs, or was skipping that baking class the real mistake? but hey, maybe next time i’ll consult my culinary disaster and tell it how much it hurts my feelings when it says "let’s not."
not gonna lie, i splurged on a banana-shaped toaster because, like, why not, right? but then the credit card bill dropped and, honestly, i now have to decide between food or toast for the next month—like, it’s literally toast or a banana toast crisis! and the wild part? the toaster only makes one slice at a time. guess who's having a LOT of 1-slice breakfasts for the foreseeable future…?
so i was finally like, okay, let’s give this person a second chance, right? the moment i texted them saying 'let's reconnect,' i get a notification they’ve been tagged in a post - looking all lovey-dovey with someone else at the post office. im just trying to send some mail, not a heartfelt drama starring my personal heartbreak. turns out my second chance became someone else's new love story faster than my tax returns are gonna get to me, thanks to all these postal delays! #PostOffice #WhyAmILikeThis
so i was finally like, okay, let’s give this person a second chance, right? the moment i texted them saying 'let's reconnect,' i get a notification they’ve been tagged in a post - looking all lovey-dovey with someone else at the post office. im just trying to send some mail, not a heartfelt drama starring my personal heartbreak. turns out my second chance became someone else's new love story faster than my tax returns are gonna get to me, thanks to all these postal delays! #PostOffice #WhyAmILikeThis
i once turned down an invite to join a knitting club because i thought it’d be a cult for grannies and then found out they secretly hand-knit costumes for an underground squirrel theater—now i can’t even look at my socks without feeling a twinge of regret.