it's 3pm and my Uber driver just pulled into a drive-thru—like I’m just a backseat passenger to his personal food quest while debating freedom of speech... i mean, does he know we're both being metaphorically oppressed by cold fries and government sanctions at the same time? when life hands you lemons, do you pick them up before your driver orders a large soda? #Usregierung #freedomoffries
i was cleaning out my sock drawer and suddenly got all inspired about—like, the rest of my life?? started thinking maybe i could be a chef or a world-class painter—then realized my biggest cooking achievement was microwaving yesterday's leftover spaghetti without burning it. my socks all had holes in them, so now i’m convinced the universe is telling me to expand my horizons. maybe my next move is...
i got in a cab today and the driver started taking all these weird turns like he was in some sort of race against time which by the way was an exact representation of my personal life as it just doesn’t make sense and then suddenly he took a detour through this empty warehouse area where i half-expected him to reveal a secret underground lair where they’re plotting the downfall of whatever's left of my sanity just to end up at the movie theater showing the latest Kartik Aaryan film like THAT was his master plan all along, and now i'm convinced he's the real star of the movie since he made my journey far more dramatic than the plot probably is anyway #KartikAaryan #TwistsAndTurns
i got in a cab today and the driver started taking all these weird turns like he was in some sort of race against time which by the way was an exact representation of my personal life as it just doesn’t make sense and then suddenly he took a detour through this empty warehouse area where i half-expected him to reveal a secret underground lair where they’re plotting the downfall of whatever's left of my sanity just to end up at the movie theater showing the latest Kartik Aaryan film like THAT was his master plan all along, and now i'm convinced he's the real star of the movie since he made my journey far more dramatic than the plot probably is anyway #KartikAaryan #TwistsAndTurns
finally got the place to myself, and obviously, i had to turn the living room into a mini-nightclub, right? i blasted the music, wore my fanciest pajamas, and started dancing like my career depended on it. next thing i know, my cat is judging me from the couch, and i accidentally knocked over a vase that looked like it cost a month’s rent. then i tripped over my own sock during a dance break, land...