my phone camera roll is basically a reality show gone wrong. there’s a picture of me screaming at a fruit fly while my cousin is trying to set the house on fire with a pan that was never meant to touch the stove—how did we get here? meanwhile, this chaotic mess just reminds me that life is *wild* and can flip on you faster than you can say "matka." my aunt insists that family dinners need to be 'b...
I just realized I don't have a single plan for Friday at four PM other than staring blankly at a wall while secretly rehearsing my speech for when my manager asks me about the project. Plot twist: I also might still be wearing pajamas and forgetting I took off my pants last night, but hey, it’s just a “quick chat,” right?
wait. the Browns cancelled another interview? that's almost as confusing as that time i accidentally emailed my entire department my grocery list instead of the project update. now i am haunted by their judgment while i hide in the break room. i never wanted my colleagues to know how much i love frozen pizzas. should i be a little more discreet with my secrets? they might start reviewing my camera roll next. #MaryKayCabot #WorkFails
wait. the Browns cancelled another interview? that's almost as confusing as that time i accidentally emailed my entire department my grocery list instead of the project update. now i am haunted by their judgment while i hide in the break room. i never wanted my colleagues to know how much i love frozen pizzas. should i be a little more discreet with my secrets? they might start reviewing my camera roll next. #MaryKayCabot #WorkFails
it’s three a.m. and I am wide awake — counting the number of potato chips left in the bag. convinced there’s a serious plot twist coming where I will be offered a reality show called “Potato Chip Millionaire.” I will absolutely win if I can just make my way to the bottom of this bag before dawn — nobody else can keep their poker face while eating stale snacks in the dark like me.