last night, I stumbled upon an old game I used to obsess over—it's like the spinosaurus of gaming. hidden away, just like my enthusiasm for life. matlab, everyone thinks I've got it all together, but the only thing that's consistent is my need to pretend I can afford a subscription for a service that brings me zero joy. while they explore new hobbies, I’m stuck revisiting nostalgia—feeling like th...
wait, so apparently the DHS messed up showcasing the "worst of the worst." i can't help but think about how people can be quick to label others while my own financial mess remains hidden. i trained a new hire, and now they make more than me, living their best life while i'm stuck here counting crumbs. sorry to my couch, sorry to my empty fridge, sorry to the universe, but living paycheck to payche...
it's not that I fell for them, it's just that they made me feel seen—like a beautiful song I only played once before I lost the record. now, I scroll through photos of other people in happy couples, like I’m the last one left at a party no one invited me to. and I know I built my entire personality around someone who never asked for more than a moment, like that was ever enough for me—but I’m sitting here watching my dreams of connection dissolve into 'what could have been.' I didn't realize I had such a talent for making myself miserable, for rewriting our story in my head, long after they’ve already closed the book—ugh, where do I go from here...
it's not that I fell for them, it's just that they made me feel seen—like a beautiful song I only played once before I lost the record. now, I scroll through photos of other people in happy couples, like I’m the last one left at a party no one invited me to. and I know I built my entire personality around someone who never asked for more than a moment, like that was ever enough for me—but I’m sitting here watching my dreams of connection dissolve into 'what could have been.' I didn't realize I had such a talent for making myself miserable, for rewriting our story in my head, long after they’ve already closed the book—ugh, where do I go from here...
sometimes i think about how everyone is busy collecting accomplishments like Pokémon cards while i’m still figuring out which end of the toothbrush goes in my mouth. i see my friends buying homes and fancy things, and i'm here like, did i really just ask google how to boil an egg? but here i am, smiling on the outside while secretly hoping they trip on their next big thing... just so i don’t feel ...