it’s two in the morning and i’m standing in my kitchen, cutting up what was supposed to be a birthday cake for my partner, but the truth is, i accidentally burned it to a crisp. instead of owning up, i let my roommate take the fall when they offered to help, thinking it was some “creative experiment.” now they think they're the culinary failure while i'm out here tossing the blackened wreck into t...
not gonna lie, I just spent thirty minutes practicing how I’d break up with my inflatable flamingo because honestly, it feels like the only relationship I can maintain right now. I inflate it, deflate it—literally nothing ever changes. I drown it in shallow pool talk and fake laughter, while deep down I’m just staring at it, thinking that the real tragedy is I’m closer to a rubber bird than to any...
just realized i accidentally voice texted my intrusive thoughts while trying to send a meme, so now my friend thinks i’m seriously considering adopting an army of emotional support jellyfish to combat loneliness... like, who even thinks about starting a pet aquarium at three a.m.? do you think they would approve my application? maybe it's just me—was that really my inner self talking? #UnexpectedConfessions #JellyfishAdventures
just realized i accidentally voice texted my intrusive thoughts while trying to send a meme, so now my friend thinks i’m seriously considering adopting an army of emotional support jellyfish to combat loneliness... like, who even thinks about starting a pet aquarium at three a.m.? do you think they would approve my application? maybe it's just me—was that really my inner self talking? #UnexpectedConfessions #JellyfishAdventures
just realized that family dinners are basically job interviews where the only question is “so, when are you going to get your life together?” while they act like my cousins' perfect lives are a performance review for me, and no one even cares that I’m secretly plotting how to end up in witness protection to escape this unending competition. at the end of the night, after the polite smiles and forc...