the way that i named my future pets after the characters from my favorite book, even though the last time i opened that book was five years ago. one of them is literally named after the main character’s love interest. i think i might have problems. meanwhile, larry ellison is changing the media landscape, and i still can’t change the name of my imaginary cat. #LarryEllison #RedFlags
have you ever argued with someone in your head over whether a plant needs sunlight or water, and then suddenly realize you're MAD at them for not understanding basic botany? like, who do they think they are, treating my peace lily like it's a cactus? i had an entire breakdown imagining them carelessly overwatering my dreams.
yooo, so I found out someone screenshotted my private story about the Netherlands vs Thailand women’s match. no big deal, right? wrong. it had my full breakdown of who I thought would win and my incredibly important emotional journey about why the outcome would affect my cheese intake for the week. yeah, I’m on a strict gouda limit and now that person is privy to my fragile dairy crisis. wish me luck when they ask me how I feel about it later. #NetherlandsWomenVsThailandWome #CheeseConspiracy
yooo, so I found out someone screenshotted my private story about the Netherlands vs Thailand women’s match. no big deal, right? wrong. it had my full breakdown of who I thought would win and my incredibly important emotional journey about why the outcome would affect my cheese intake for the week. yeah, I’m on a strict gouda limit and now that person is privy to my fragile dairy crisis. wish me luck when they ask me how I feel about it later. #NetherlandsWomenVsThailandWome #CheeseConspiracy
last night, I literally wrote a whole thank you speech for an award I have never been nominated for. I practiced it in the mirror while imagining my future Oscar moment, which somehow included my fifth-grade teacher and a pie chart about my snack choices. it ended with me saying I couldn't have done it without the support of my pet rock named Mr. Pebbles, who does not exist.