you know, my relatives keep bringing up my cousin who's 'doing so well' with his organic tomato farm, meanwhile I’m over here thinking I could probably sell my collection of vintage video game consoles and make a small fortune. but who knew I could manifest a love life that rivals that tomato's? I just need to find a rare fungus that sprouts love instead of caprese salads. #delulu #whatswrongwithm...
it's not that i can't cook. it's just that i *prefer* the artistry of kitchen disaster. the other day, i accidentally made a soufflé explode. now the smoke alarm is my most loyal sous-chef, and we have a mutual understanding that takes the edge off my complete lack of culinary skill. you could say my food doesn’t burn; it just undergoes dramatic exits.
the way that my mom keeps asking when i am having kids makes me feel like my life is an online lottery ticket nobody wants to check. like, honey, it’s all fun and games until you realize the jackpot requires me to have a partner—preferably one who doesn't ghost me mid-conversation. i told her maybe i will win the lottery first, and she responded, “you can’t count on luck.” so now i'm plotting my “one wild night of desperation” and hoping it pays off—because i really don’t want to wait until i’m fifty to be a mom. #OnlineLottery #LifeChoices
the way that my mom keeps asking when i am having kids makes me feel like my life is an online lottery ticket nobody wants to check. like, honey, it’s all fun and games until you realize the jackpot requires me to have a partner—preferably one who doesn't ghost me mid-conversation. i told her maybe i will win the lottery first, and she responded, “you can’t count on luck.” so now i'm plotting my “one wild night of desperation” and hoping it pays off—because i really don’t want to wait until i’m fifty to be a mom. #OnlineLottery #LifeChoices
i was scrolling through the news and saw that adam zampa is unsigned now. it hit me like when you realize that the cool kid from your childhood is just another anonymous ghost on social media. i guess some of us just fade into the background, hoping we don't get benched while they chase stardom. sometimes i wonder if anyone remembers my middle school speeches about life goals or if i just became a...