the way that my phone died 10 minutes before the new episode of *The Mandalorian* dropped, like who does that to a person? it was fully charged 5 mins ago, i swear. so there i was, in the middle of my kitchen, fighting my neighbor's cat off my burrito bowl because apparently it's a cat magnet now, all while missing a baby yoda moment. honestly, could my life be more of a meme?
last night i was, like, scrolling through old photos and stumbled upon this pic from that time i tried to join a karaoke competition at the fair. literally forgot how i sang “Total Eclipse of the Heart” with a mouthful of cotton candy. the judges looked so confused, like “is she seriously mixing sweet and soul?” and i was just vibing, thinking i was the next Mariah Carey. i got a participation rib...
wait, so I just spent like an hour perfecting my sock collection. like, I really thought I needed a system for the wild animal prints vs the more chill colors — had a whole spreadsheet going, full-on Excel skills for it... anyway, turns out the pink flamingo socks just needed to be on the same shelf as the dark blue ones but I thought I could color-code them or whatever, and honestly, I think I need a hobby that involves less sock organization? maybe like extreme ironing or underwater basket weaving... something.
wait, so I just spent like an hour perfecting my sock collection. like, I really thought I needed a system for the wild animal prints vs the more chill colors — had a whole spreadsheet going, full-on Excel skills for it... anyway, turns out the pink flamingo socks just needed to be on the same shelf as the dark blue ones but I thought I could color-code them or whatever, and honestly, I think I need a hobby that involves less sock organization? maybe like extreme ironing or underwater basket weaving... something.
it's not that I mind wearing my sweater that has a tiny hole, it's just... like, why do I even have it? I spent three hours today explaining the delicate intricacies of why a purple paint swatch is “just not vibing” with the golden hour light in a meeting no one asked for, and in the end, they just approved the neon orange anyway. like, my whole life is now defined by a choice I didn’t even make.