i spent the last decade prioritizing mastering the art of collecting vintage spoons instead of learning to do taxes. now here i am, confused about whether i should polish my prized spoons or figure out what a 1099 is. why did no one tell me this would be so hard? #priorities #spoonfiasco
it's not that i was spying, it's just that i noticed they had a “notable growth” in their texting fingers. but then i found the group chat with eight other people discussing the flavor profiles of PASTA. like, who has that many PASTA opinions? just realized i’m jealous of spaghetti and suddenly spiraling into an existential crisis over my worth compared to carbohydrate-based food. now i am wonderi...
literally just wrote a text to my neighbor detailing how their obnoxious garden gnome is ruining my life — I made it sound like a heartfelt appeal for peace, then deleted it right before I hit send. I mean, how do I even explain the emotional trauma caused by that gnome silently judging me every morning?
literally just wrote a text to my neighbor detailing how their obnoxious garden gnome is ruining my life — I made it sound like a heartfelt appeal for peace, then deleted it right before I hit send. I mean, how do I even explain the emotional trauma caused by that gnome silently judging me every morning?
ok but i started liking someone who said they don’t do relationships. i thought it was fine until i found myself writing a five page manifesto about the benefits of friendship over love. like i was basically ready to pitch a TED talk. but then i remembered i only planned it in my head while they were debating whether to get a pizza or a salad. clearly, we are on very different paths.