turning forty alone, just me and cold takeout on the floor, thought the silence would feel peaceful but it just echoes. every canceled plan makes me wonder if the real disappointment was letting myself believe someone would show up in the first place...
मेरे माता-पिता ने मेरा दहेज़ तय करने में ऐसा महसूस हुआ जैसे कोई मवेशी नीलामी हो रही हो। जब मैं वहाँ खड़ी थी, मुझे बस ये सोचकर अजीब लगा कि कोई समझता नहीं कि मुझे खुद की कोई कीमत नहीं चाहिए।
today i found myself cleaning out the fridge and somehow got stuck sorting expired condiments — how did i let it get this bad, but also why does the mustard have to be so full of memories, like, seriously it should just be food. and it’s just that i used to be so careful about everything, now i am lost in a sea of ketchup packets and have to face another chaotic evening of pretending everything is fine.
today i found myself cleaning out the fridge and somehow got stuck sorting expired condiments — how did i let it get this bad, but also why does the mustard have to be so full of memories, like, seriously it should just be food. and it’s just that i used to be so careful about everything, now i am lost in a sea of ketchup packets and have to face another chaotic evening of pretending everything is fine.
i feel so guilty watching my stepdad act like my half siblings are perfect while my brother and i just get ignored at dinner. i wish i could say something, anything, but i just sit there pretending like it does not sting, does not hurt, even though it does.