moved across the country for someone who left me three months later. i honestly thought our love was stronger than my compulsive urge to steal all the good pens from work. now i’m sitting in this empty apartment, literally surrounded by those pens and questioning if the real connection was between me and office supplies.
it's not that i have commitment issues, it's just... i named my future pets with someone i spoke to once at a party. we bonded over our shared love for tropical fish, and before i knew it, i had committed to a goldfish named Sir Flops-a-lot and a hamster named Admiral Cuddlesworth. honestly, it seemed totally normal at the time. now, i'm getting random texts asking if we are still on for the pet p...
ok but, the other day i was ranting about how cringe some influencers are and mentioned how much i couldn't stand Tomi Lahren. instead of sending it to my friend, i accidentally texted HER. now my phone keeps buzzing, and i’m half convinced that she’s going to come to my house and argue about it like we’re in some reality show. this is my life now, waiting for Tomi Lahren to ruin my world. #TomiLahren #helpme
ok but, the other day i was ranting about how cringe some influencers are and mentioned how much i couldn't stand Tomi Lahren. instead of sending it to my friend, i accidentally texted HER. now my phone keeps buzzing, and i’m half convinced that she’s going to come to my house and argue about it like we’re in some reality show. this is my life now, waiting for Tomi Lahren to ruin my world. #TomiLahren #helpme
have you ever been compared to your cousin who is 'doing so well' at a family gathering? meanwhile, i was in the corner silently eating a crouton like it was a gourmet snack. like yes, she has her life together and i have a lifetime supply of unpaid parking tickets—but at least i own every single seasoning from that one cooking show that i watch religiously.