it's not that i was unaware of the explosion near willow river mn, it's just that my entire life feels like it blew up too. i recently found out my ex is now dating my neighbor who i've awkwardly avoided since middle school, and somehow, i wasn’t even shocked. like, clearly everyone knew except for me, the person who was convinced we could've had a *meet cute* someday while binge-watching terrible...
it’s 2am and i just accidentally sent a fifty-page analysis of a potato chip commercial to the group chat. i meant it for a chip connoisseur i barely know but now everyone thinks i'm the self-proclaimed expert on snack ads. how do i live this down when the world expects me to throw down some deep lore on the crunch factor?
last night, while desperately searching for my sanity, i suddenly remembered that i was supposed to take a shower this week—like, actually shower. now it’s mid-november and i smell like regret and questionable life choices. at least the tourists in #Malta can enjoy a shower—i am NOT among the clean ones. #LifeChoices
last night, while desperately searching for my sanity, i suddenly remembered that i was supposed to take a shower this week—like, actually shower. now it’s mid-november and i smell like regret and questionable life choices. at least the tourists in #Malta can enjoy a shower—i am NOT among the clean ones. #LifeChoices
wait, so I told everyone I couldn’t go out because I had a “prior commitment,” but really I was literally sitting at home, watching the U19 cricket match between India and the USA, contemplating how my life has become a spectator sport. now my friends are texting about plans while I’m crying over fictional cricket scenarios like my plans were just as imaginary. #IndVsUsaU19CricketMatch #NoMoreLies