it’s not that i think about them all the time. it’s just that my mind is constructing an elaborate backstory about their potential role in a heist movie where we are the unlikely duo. it all makes perfect sense, obviously, until i remember they don't even know my name. so now, here i am, practicing how i would hand them the getaway car keys at an imaginary bank job that will never happen.
it's not that i don't care about sports, it’s just... the other night, my friend asked me if I wanted to go to a bar to watch the game. i thought, "what is this, an episode of Friends?" so i said no. now i find out the Warriors vs Mavericks game was actually legendary, and everyone keeps talking about it. meanwhile, i'm sitting here wondering if the drama of “who takes the last slice of pizza” at ...
its not that im devastated, its just that my ex said they needed space and now they're posting with someone who looks like a mix between Carlos Alcaraz and the last avocado toast i didn't order. meanwhile, im over here posting motivational quotes about self-love while crying into a microwave dinner. like, how did i go from imagining our wedding to watching them live my worst nightmare on social media? im reconsidering my whole existence and googling how to manifest someone who actually wants to be seen with me. #CarlosAlcaraz #datingdisasters
its not that im devastated, its just that my ex said they needed space and now they're posting with someone who looks like a mix between Carlos Alcaraz and the last avocado toast i didn't order. meanwhile, im over here posting motivational quotes about self-love while crying into a microwave dinner. like, how did i go from imagining our wedding to watching them live my worst nightmare on social media? im reconsidering my whole existence and googling how to manifest someone who actually wants to be seen with me. #CarlosAlcaraz #datingdisasters
it's two in the morning and I just ordered a life-sized cardboard cutout of a raccoon in a sombrero, because it was seventy percent off and I thought it would "add character" to my apartment. now I am contemplating the deep existential crisis of whether this is just a gateway to becoming that person who collects weird things or… just what I always wanted. either way, my ex is definitely going to l...