last night i found out my situationship introduced me as “a friend” to someone while discussing their favorite fruit. so now i am inexplicably emotionally attached to pears. i can’t decide if i should start crying or write them a letter titled "a love letter to the pear." either way, i will NEVER be able to look at a grocery store the same way again. #fruitdrama #emotionalrollercoaster
just had a realization while collecting my two hundred action figures that the only reason i know how to pronounce half of their names is because i have practiced saying them aloud in the shower, like they’re gonna join me for a live performance... but instead they just sit there, staring at me from the shelf, judging my lack of social life.
i just realized that i have been practicing my reaction to a surprise inheritance from a distant uncle who i did not know existed. picture this: i imagined my jaw dropping, followed by the perfect gasp of astonishment. as i nail the facial expressions in the mirror, i can almost hear the confetti raining down. then i remember i don’t even have an uncle. so now i am just here rehearsing the next best thing, which is...
i just realized that i have been practicing my reaction to a surprise inheritance from a distant uncle who i did not know existed. picture this: i imagined my jaw dropping, followed by the perfect gasp of astonishment. as i nail the facial expressions in the mirror, i can almost hear the confetti raining down. then i remember i don’t even have an uncle. so now i am just here rehearsing the next best thing, which is...
i used to think turning thirty meant you had your life together, like you had your stuff figured out. instead, i'm binge-watching tarot readings about my potential downfall on 21 January 2026. why did nobody tell me my early thirties would feel like a full-on midlife crisis disguised as an existential dread party? do i call it a career pivot when i’m really just hoping someone asks if i want fries...