so my aunt sent out invitations to her birthday party and was super specific about the dress code. everyone showed up in black-tie attire, and she appeared in sweatpants and a t-shirt. when we asked what happened, she said, “this is the real me. life is too short for formality.” she then proceeded to blow out her candles, and half the guests couldn't figure out if we were celebrating her birthday ...
it's not that i can't come out, it's just that my cat might run for office and i really need to be here to organize her campaign. like, a furry president? imagine the debates. “paws for thought” would be our slogan, but i can't trust my neighbor's cat as head of security. you never know how that will end up...
the noreaster’s coming, and my family found my social media. suddenly, i’m explaining to them why i had a meltdown about the existential dread of living through yet another snowstorm. like, they don’t get that while they’re stuffing their faces with holiday cookies, i’m trying to figure out if posting my thoughts on winter is some kind of mental breakdown or just seasonal confusion. now im expected to balance the impending doom of a snowstorm while dodging the avalanche of their judgment, all while my dog stares at me like i’m the one who caused the chaos. #Noreaster #existentialcrisis
the noreaster’s coming, and my family found my social media. suddenly, i’m explaining to them why i had a meltdown about the existential dread of living through yet another snowstorm. like, they don’t get that while they’re stuffing their faces with holiday cookies, i’m trying to figure out if posting my thoughts on winter is some kind of mental breakdown or just seasonal confusion. now im expected to balance the impending doom of a snowstorm while dodging the avalanche of their judgment, all while my dog stares at me like i’m the one who caused the chaos. #Noreaster #existentialcrisis
it's 3am and i just discovered my friends have a whole chat without me—like an exclusive club for discussing Jacksonville weather while i'm left in the cold. imagine me, scrolling through social media, bundled up in my flannel, feeling like i'm the only one left in this icy reality. they are probably roasting marshmallows while i’m here praying the heat stays on. at this point, i need a plan—eithe...