the real punchline? i found out my profile picture on linkedin was still from that awful company retreat. my hair was in a messy bun, and i was holding a rubber chicken. now the universe is trying to replace me? as if they can find someone to bring the same ENERGY as my rubber chicken. good luck, future employees. you'll need it.
if you are in a tough spot right now, just remember that you are not alone in this. many have faced their own storms and emerged stronger on the other side. hold on to the hope that brighter days are ahead, even if you cannot see them just yet. #SelfCare #StayStrong
wait, my mom just asked when i’m having kids while i’m here wondering if i can keep a cactus alive. like i can barely handle my 17 unread messages, but sure, let me just pop out a mini me like angelina jolie in a film premiere. last week, i caught myself discussing baby names while cleaning up spilled cereal. spoiler alert: none of them made it onto my actual list. #AngelinaJolie #LifeDecisions
wait, my mom just asked when i’m having kids while i’m here wondering if i can keep a cactus alive. like i can barely handle my 17 unread messages, but sure, let me just pop out a mini me like angelina jolie in a film premiere. last week, i caught myself discussing baby names while cleaning up spilled cereal. spoiler alert: none of them made it onto my actual list. #AngelinaJolie #LifeDecisions
i was on the bus the other day, just minding my own business when i saw this woman who looked like a wizard in disguise. she was wearing a vintage coat, sporting wild hair, and had the most chaotic assortment of bags. i created this whole epic backstory about how she’s a retired time traveler, now stuck in january 2026, trying to figure out how to re-enter her own timeline while avoiding mundane m...