not gonna lie, i saw that my job was posted online while scrolling through linkedin like i was checking sports scores. felt like watching my favorite player dunk all over my career. i had to close the app before someone saw my tears streaming down like it was game seven. #Nba #careercrisis
wait. my screen time report says i spent three hours yesterday watching a squirrel documentary. like, who even needs that level of expertise about woodland creatures? and then i realized, maybe i’m just preparing for the day i have to negotiate with one for my snack. it’s all connected, right?
bruh, just calculated how different my life would be if I had gone to that cooking class instead of binge-watching a reality show about flamingo owners. I could have been an executive chef by now—imagine me slicing vegetables in an apron, perfecting my knife skills. Instead, here I am, still setting my oven timer with the microwave and declaring “masterchef” anytime I make a microwave burrito.
bruh, just calculated how different my life would be if I had gone to that cooking class instead of binge-watching a reality show about flamingo owners. I could have been an executive chef by now—imagine me slicing vegetables in an apron, perfecting my knife skills. Instead, here I am, still setting my oven timer with the microwave and declaring “masterchef” anytime I make a microwave burrito.
the way that I just realized I moved to this city for someone who vanished after three months, and now I find myself sitting alone in a laundromat, doing their dirty laundry for therapy. I'm scrolling through Instagram, watching people celebrate their lavish lives in #Monaco, while I'm over here contemplating whether my microwave dinner counts as a culinary accomplishment. I swear if I get a text ...