i saw that jalen duren is proving everyone wrong and honestly, it hit me in a weird way. my coworker got promoted, the one who always throws the most cringeworthy office parties where no one dances, and now they’re my boss, you know? it’s like being told to celebrate a new basketball star while i’m just sitting on the bench wondering if i should start a slow clap or... maybe just hide behind the p...
just realized i’ve been pretending i’m totally over that weird dream where my high school principal is trying to eat my socks while reciting Shakespeare. it sounds absurd, right? but every time someone says "you must have had a busy night," my brain spirals into this existential crisis like, what if everyone thinks the socks symbolize my failure to fit in? and suddenly, i’m back in a crowded room ...
wait. i was at the bakery when the baker complimented someone else's cake that looked suspiciously like my masterpiece, which was two days of my life spent frosting rose petals— and just as I was about to defend my honor, a pigeon flew in, perched itself on the counter, and pooped directly onto the award-winning cake. so, naturally, I stood there, both horrified and secretly wondering if the baker would award that pigeon an honorary mention instead.
wait. i was at the bakery when the baker complimented someone else's cake that looked suspiciously like my masterpiece, which was two days of my life spent frosting rose petals— and just as I was about to defend my honor, a pigeon flew in, perched itself on the counter, and pooped directly onto the award-winning cake. so, naturally, I stood there, both horrified and secretly wondering if the baker would award that pigeon an honorary mention instead.
so like, my parents decided to get divorced, right? and now I’m the one trying to mediate everything, literally standing in between them while they argue over who gets to keep the 1970s macrame wall hanging. like, I didn’t sign up for this. I mean, how do you even negotiate over questionable art? I half expect them to just duel it out with crochet needles, and I’m there, wondering if this makes me...