literally just bought a gigantic inflatable unicorn for my living room. it was 'on sale' and now it’s awkwardly staring at me while I struggle to explain to my therapist why my life feels like the 'rockets vs timberwolves' game I just watched: chaotic, confusing, and no clear winner in sight. the unicorn is still there. no plans to use it. i think I might actually name it Kevin. #RocketsVsTimberwo...
i seriously just moved cities for someone who promised me the universe. three months later, they left me for a 7-foot tall guy named Chad who does yoga. now i’m here, alone with my plant collection and a Netflix account i can't even log into because they changed the password. guess i should have asked for the heart-shaped rock back too. #betrayal #livingmybestlife
yooo, just read about this wheat flour export thing. bruh, I used to think turning thirty was ancient. now I feel like my life is turning into the *export* of regrets. as I'm tearing up over the potential of my cereal getting imported instead of my ambitions, I wonder if the universe is trying to tell me something. why is adulthood so freaking *unprepared* when you find out life comes with no manu...