the way that i just spent an hour rethinking a conversation with my dentist—yes, my dentist—who told me my flossing technique is “intense” like i’m on some dental mission, and now i’m convinced they think i’m an obsessive dental weirdo—like should i have asked for a referral to a therapist, or... you know, how does one *de-floss* in a socially acceptable manner?
last night, i had a meltdown over a fictional character dating my celebrity crush. like, i could totally picture us at an awards show, looking fabulous, but no. instead, he’s stuck on some made-up bimbo whose personality is literally just “tall” and “blonde.” now im convinced my future with him hinges on drafting a letter to the writers, suggesting they alter the plot for my love life.
...so I found myself in this weird war with a fan account for an obscure band that I thought only I liked. they posted this terrible edit of a song that made me ANGRY and I couldn’t help but type up this passionate rebuttal about the real meaning behind the lyrics – which, let's be real, nobody asked for. next thing I know, I'm composing an entire manifesto about the band's hidden messages while simultaneously plotting how I’ll change the world by getting them to notice me. oh, and it’ll probably happen over a live stream where I get the courage to ask if they hate their fan accounts too... right?
...so I found myself in this weird war with a fan account for an obscure band that I thought only I liked. they posted this terrible edit of a song that made me ANGRY and I couldn’t help but type up this passionate rebuttal about the real meaning behind the lyrics – which, let's be real, nobody asked for. next thing I know, I'm composing an entire manifesto about the band's hidden messages while simultaneously plotting how I’ll change the world by getting them to notice me. oh, and it’ll probably happen over a live stream where I get the courage to ask if they hate their fan accounts too... right?
have you ever stumbled upon a family secret that explains absolutely everything? so, I just found out my great-uncle invented the world's first instant toenail clippings removal device. honestly, that explains why my family has an annual toenail trimming competition and why I have this deep-seated rage toward long nails. I mean, my ancestors were clearly onto something, but does this mean I can ma...