the way that i told my aunt i wasn't going to the family reunion, and now i feel like the villain in my own soap opera. everyone acts like i committed a crime, like i’m the reason they ran out of potato salad last year. i just wanted to binge-watch shows in my pajamas, not relive awkward moments where Uncle Larry tries to set me up with a guy who thinks “cooking” means microwaving hot pockets. #fa...
last night, while listening to "the great divide," it hit me: i’ve spent my whole life apologizing for taking up space, like someone walking into a room and instantly going, "sorry for my existence!" my neighbor got mad when my cat wandered into their yard, and instead of being defensive, i was practically bowing at their feet like, "please forgive my feline's poor choice." turns out, it wasn’t my...
it's not that i chose sides in the friend group battle, it's just that the sides picked me like some bizarre game of musical chairs. one minute i’m rehearsing my acceptance speech for ‘Best Supporting Friend,’ and the next i’m standing alone, realizing my award is just a participation trophy for weird choices like doing impressions of joel mchale while pretending to have a life plan. the joke’s on me, right? #JoelMchale #WeirdAwardShow
it's not that i chose sides in the friend group battle, it's just that the sides picked me like some bizarre game of musical chairs. one minute i’m rehearsing my acceptance speech for ‘Best Supporting Friend,’ and the next i’m standing alone, realizing my award is just a participation trophy for weird choices like doing impressions of joel mchale while pretending to have a life plan. the joke’s on me, right? #JoelMchale #WeirdAwardShow
just realized my favorite coffee shop is closing, and they didn't even have the courtesy to notify me; instead, I just found out when I showed up this morning to find a 'for lease' sign on the door, but hey, why should I expect a goodbye when my ex didn’t bother with that either? #TheGreatDivideNoahKahan