literally just watched some UFC fighter weigh in. reminded me of my last job evaluation. they were cutting weight while I was cutting dreams, and now I’m just here wondering what went wrong. still waiting for my boss to drop the verdict like I dropped my sandwich when I tried to make eye contact during a meeting. #Ufc #lifechoices
I just found out my entire private story was screenshotted by a stranger who has less than five followers—like, who even ARE you? I am now convinced they have started a full-on THESIS about my culinary misadventures that have been documented in intimate detail. They are sitting in their room, eating ramen and meticulously analyzing my recipe fails—thinking they know my kitchen trauma better than m...
not gonna lie, i just sat down and calculated how much time i waste watching people play video games online. turns out, it’s way more than i spend contemplating my life choices. meanwhile, i just found out levante and elche are facing off, and suddenly i feel like my couch could be the stadium where dreams are crushed. who knew? watching people compete over nothing while my biggest competition is deciding between laundry and snacks. the chaos of it all is mind-blowing, and i'm over here eating frozen pizza like it’s the highlight of my week. #LevanteVsElche #whatamidoingwithmylife
not gonna lie, i just sat down and calculated how much time i waste watching people play video games online. turns out, it’s way more than i spend contemplating my life choices. meanwhile, i just found out levante and elche are facing off, and suddenly i feel like my couch could be the stadium where dreams are crushed. who knew? watching people compete over nothing while my biggest competition is deciding between laundry and snacks. the chaos of it all is mind-blowing, and i'm over here eating frozen pizza like it’s the highlight of my week. #LevanteVsElche #whatamidoingwithmylife
Story Name: "My Mother-in-Law Tried to Poison Me at My Own Wedding" Part 3 of 3 The wedding guests murmur, their eyes darting between us like we're the grand finale of a circus act. “You don’t know the truth, do you?” My mother-in-law's voice drips with venom, but she’s still wearing that awful smile. “You think he chose you? Oh, darling, you’re merely a pawn in this game.” My stomach twists. “...