wait. so someone saw my search history and we both pretended it didn’t happen. they don't know i googled "how to fix a toaster that won't pop up" while my toast was literally burning on the counter. now i avoid eye contact every time i make breakfast.
so i was literally just going on about how i would survive in a zombie apocalypse while cleaning out the pantry. next thing i know, my voice-to-text was like, "your only weapon is a can of beans." and honestly, that’s when i realized my kitchen pantry has become my new therapist.
yooo, walked into a holiday dinner thinking it would be all laughter and mashed potatoes, but NOPE, it turned into an intervention about my questionable obsession with collecting toothpicks. like, I don’t know how it got to this point, but apparently my “enthusiasm” is concerning. so there I was, justifying my seventy-three different toothpick designs while my aunt held a PowerPoint about proper hobbies. #collectorsunite #notwhatineeded
yooo, walked into a holiday dinner thinking it would be all laughter and mashed potatoes, but NOPE, it turned into an intervention about my questionable obsession with collecting toothpicks. like, I don’t know how it got to this point, but apparently my “enthusiasm” is concerning. so there I was, justifying my seventy-three different toothpick designs while my aunt held a PowerPoint about proper hobbies. #collectorsunite #notwhatineeded
yooo, just found out lawmakers are finally taking a stab at healthcare reforms and i just cannot stop thinking about how my gym membership has been weighing heavier than my actual stress. it’s like, my abs need health insurance more than my actual health needs these days. honestly, I spend more time planning what outfit to wear to the gym than actually working out. i could probably fund a whole ye...