not gonna lie, I just remembered I was supposed to organize a neighborhood broomstick race three weeks ago. like, who even signs up for that? I can picture the chaos—moms with brooms, all hyper on homemade pumpkin spice smoothies, competing for… absolutely nothing. and now I'm suddenly the town's top-flight ghost organizer of an event no one actually wants, sitting here wondering if I should post ...
just found a dozen selfies of me trying to look like a cool wizard but my wand is just a plastic fork. thought about deleting them but then i remembered i might need them for evidence one day. also, what if someone needed to know the epic saga of my fork-fueled magical identity crisis? #HarryPotter #NotASeriousWizard
last night, i accidentally hit 'reply all' on an email meant for just my coworker, detailing my elaborate conspiracy theory about how office plants are spies. now, i’m sitting here, waiting to see if my boss asks me to discuss “workplace morale” in front of the entire staff while he holds up a ficus. no one told me my big break would involve houseplants and HR intervention.
last night, i accidentally hit 'reply all' on an email meant for just my coworker, detailing my elaborate conspiracy theory about how office plants are spies. now, i’m sitting here, waiting to see if my boss asks me to discuss “workplace morale” in front of the entire staff while he holds up a ficus. no one told me my big break would involve houseplants and HR intervention.
ever accidentally spilled your life story to the group chat when you meant to send it to your crush? i just shared my plans for a dramatic funeral outfit in response to the whole #chicagotribune drama about the mayor’s slip-ups. now my friends are convinced i’m plotting my own demise, while i just wanted to discuss layering techniques. at this rate, my love life might actually need that outfit, co...