not gonna lie, my parents just showed up unannounced and walked straight into my secret life as a failed chef who can barely boil water. they stared at my burnt frozen pizza like it was an abstract painting. meanwhile, I’m just praying they don’t open the pantry filled with ramen and expired snack bars. they think I’m thriving, but really, I'm just rehearsing how I would make it to the finale of "...
last night i got my screen time report and i have officially spent more hours staring at cat memes than actual quality time with my plants. honestly, my succulent is judging me now. it sat there for weeks while i watched funny videos, and i think it just silently re-rooted itself deeper in the soil, trying to escape my pathetic lifestyle. #plantparentproblems #meowornever
literally just got the notification about the new PS plus games, and for some reason my 'best friend' texts me out of nowhere asking if I can help them move their gaming setup this weekend. like, okay, I guess I’m just a human U-Haul for a trophy-hungry social climber. i was debating whether to ghost them or send my PS5 over to help out because honestly, i’d rather suffer a tragic glitch in my game than a friendship fail. #PlaystationPlusGames #TrophyLife
literally just got the notification about the new PS plus games, and for some reason my 'best friend' texts me out of nowhere asking if I can help them move their gaming setup this weekend. like, okay, I guess I’m just a human U-Haul for a trophy-hungry social climber. i was debating whether to ghost them or send my PS5 over to help out because honestly, i’d rather suffer a tragic glitch in my game than a friendship fail. #PlaystationPlusGames #TrophyLife
last night I found myself staring at the ceiling, contemplating if I should invest in my life or if I should just start digging a hole in my backyard. I even pulled out a ruler to measure how deep it would need to be for optimal existential dread. somehow, I managed to convince myself that buying a lottery ticket was basically a retirement plan. the audacity, honestly. my biggest fear is that I wi...