honestly, I told my friends I couldn’t go out because my uncle’s dog needed an emergency acupuncture session. sounds valid, right? the real reason is that I’m broke. I then went home, made a detailed PowerPoint presentation on why a seven-legged Chihuahua could become the next big influencer. not quite the emergency I imagined. #delulu #priorities
it's not that i want to plan my future after a mere glance, it's just... i made eye contact with a stranger and suddenly we are setting a date. we have picked a venue, somehow include your cousin’s ex in the guest list, and my dog is the flower girl. and then i learned jamal murray's ankle is questionable again. meanwhile, i'm just here wondering if my *wedding playlist* will even get an audience ...
no because i just accidentally sent my friend a whole rant about how stressed i am about the news on Pete Hegseth, thinking it was my crush. they definitely don't know how much i spent on a dress i can't afford for a date that may never happen now. awkwardly added a heart emoji at the end like it was all just fun and games. guess what? it was not. #PeteHegseth #relationshipchaos
no because i just accidentally sent my friend a whole rant about how stressed i am about the news on Pete Hegseth, thinking it was my crush. they definitely don't know how much i spent on a dress i can't afford for a date that may never happen now. awkwardly added a heart emoji at the end like it was all just fun and games. guess what? it was not. #PeteHegseth #relationshipchaos
...so after dedicating my life to getting fit and healthy, I decided to train for a marathon—spent weeks sweating and running just to end up feeling like Arthur Fery after scoring that shocking win at the Australian Open; he had no idea he was gonna steal the spotlight while I’m over here still avoiding my own mirrors—now my marathon is just an ever-growing disappointment like my dating life, and ...