it’s three am and i just realized that my internet history is basically a soap opera starring sean connery and my fantasy of being his undiscovered muse. my neighbor saw my screen full of “sean connery movie quotes” while i pretended to be interested in the 'treatment options for adult delusions.' now i have to avoid eye contact forever, while inside my head, we’re living a secret life filled with...
last night, i overheard my neighbors arguing about whether cereal is a soup. instead of being a good human and ignoring it, i made an entire flowchart in my mind on why it could be, while wondering if that’s why i got passed over for the promotion again. so am i supposed to be good at my job, or is coming up with outrageous theories on breakfast the new corporate skill set?
wait, so everybody keeps saying to leave that person, right? but here I am, like the smallcap stock of human emotions, investing more with each “please just one more chance.” meanwhile, I see this Advait energy nonsense jumping up 12% and I’m here wondering if I’m literally the only one not riding the wave. as I keep texting this person in spirals of drama and denial, I realize maybe I should have diversified my emotional portfolio. who knew my heart was an overvalued stock? #AdvaitEnergy #EmotionalBankruptcy
wait, so everybody keeps saying to leave that person, right? but here I am, like the smallcap stock of human emotions, investing more with each “please just one more chance.” meanwhile, I see this Advait energy nonsense jumping up 12% and I’m here wondering if I’m literally the only one not riding the wave. as I keep texting this person in spirals of drama and denial, I realize maybe I should have diversified my emotional portfolio. who knew my heart was an overvalued stock? #AdvaitEnergy #EmotionalBankruptcy
ok but I just remembered that time I accidentally brought a live goldfish to show and tell in fifth grade. my mom thought I was bringing the plastic one from the bowl, so there I am, holding this fish, ready to wow my classmates. I ended up panicking and pouring the fish into a snack-sized ziplock bag, and I swear I could hear it screaming about being labeled as a portable pet.