i spent the afternoon scrolling through old photos and found one of my dog before she got sick, and now it just feels like every moment is shadowed by what’s gone, like how do you keep going when every memory hurts but also is like a million pounds on your chest and there’s nothing to ease it, just trying to breathe through the ache of it all, wondering if i should just let myself cry or if that’s...
just sat on my couch in this tiny one bedroom, watching my friends post photos of their new houses and vacations while i count change for lunch, thinking about how my phone barely buzzes anymore and it all feels so out of reach like even the joy in being happy for them is gone and replaced by this empty ache, like i should be able to celebrate too but instead it feels like everything is just slipp...
sitting on my couch in this cramped apartment, the smell of stale popcorn still hanging around from movie night a week ago, and watching my friends post their new job promotions while i am still stuck at this part-time gig with no benefits, feeling like a ghost of my former self, and sometimes i wonder if they know how hard it is to celebrate them while being crushed by this empty feeling in my chest, the days drag and blur together, and i still can’t shake the feeling that i am just... not enough.
sitting on my couch in this cramped apartment, the smell of stale popcorn still hanging around from movie night a week ago, and watching my friends post their new job promotions while i am still stuck at this part-time gig with no benefits, feeling like a ghost of my former self, and sometimes i wonder if they know how hard it is to celebrate them while being crushed by this empty feeling in my chest, the days drag and blur together, and i still can’t shake the feeling that i am just... not enough.
i sometimes wonder if i actually want my own child to be healthy or if i just need to feel like i did everything i could to fix my past mistakes, like every late night scrolling feels like a gamble that just ends up being another way to distract from feeling utterly helpless and lost.