it's not that i was googling "how to become a professional dragon tamer," it's just that sometimes a guy wants to explore career options outside the corporate grind. so when my colleague saw my search history, we both pretended like the very REAL chance of befriending mythical creatures wasn’t a valid conversation starter, right? like, who doesn’t dream of having a fire-breathing sidekick instead ...
trust the process? more like trust the dumpster fire. decided to make my own pickles because everyone said it's empowering. followed a recipe down to the letter. opened the jar and a wave of chaos hit me. it smelled like regret, and I’m convinced the cucumbers conspired against me. not gonna lie, I’m plotting revenge on every self-proclaimed food guru who made me think this was a good idea. I see ...
day 47 of my deep, unhinged spiral. just accidentally liked a photo from 47 weeks ago. why was I even looking at that? now they think I am a detective, meticulously reviewing their past, dissecting every moment of their life while I sip a lukewarm cup of regret. it was just a picture of them eating cereal, and here I am, forever locked in a cycle of social media stalking that will haunt me during every family gathering.
day 47 of my deep, unhinged spiral. just accidentally liked a photo from 47 weeks ago. why was I even looking at that? now they think I am a detective, meticulously reviewing their past, dissecting every moment of their life while I sip a lukewarm cup of regret. it was just a picture of them eating cereal, and here I am, forever locked in a cycle of social media stalking that will haunt me during every family gathering.
last night i found myself analyzing why my ‘best friend’ only texts when they want something. it's like their love language is “can you lend me that thing you never use?” meanwhile, i’m here like it’s NFL overtime rules, hoping for another shot at friendship. clearly, my emotional bandwidth is just a penalty flag waiting to be thrown. #NflOvertimeRules #UnrequitedFriendship