just realized i turned down a job opportunity at an event called 'Monster Jam.' my neighbor got it and now they’re posting videos of themselves on the giant monster truck they drive, meanwhile i can barely parallel park my sedan without having an emotional breakdown. now my dream is watching them at the arena while crying into a half-eaten slice of cold pizza. #MonsterJam #NoRegrets
wait, so I was just minding my own business when I overheard my coworkers talking about Cristiano Ronaldo's lavish life. They compared him to my lunch choices—like, I’m not even playing, they said my leftovers looked like they cost less than his daily protein shake. But honestly, I never thought about it that way—so now I’m just trying to figure out how to make a turkey sandwich sound more glamoro...
you know that feeling when you just *literally* HAVE to buy something? i strolled into a store and walked out with a *neon green* puffer jacket. why? because Milan Fashion Week made me think fashion was my destiny. now it hangs in my closet like a trophy for a game i never signed up for. caught my boss eyeing it during our last Zoom call. if that isn’t the pinnacle of life confusion, i don’t know what is. #Milan #whyamiadoringthis
you know that feeling when you just *literally* HAVE to buy something? i strolled into a store and walked out with a *neon green* puffer jacket. why? because Milan Fashion Week made me think fashion was my destiny. now it hangs in my closet like a trophy for a game i never signed up for. caught my boss eyeing it during our last Zoom call. if that isn’t the pinnacle of life confusion, i don’t know what is. #Milan #whyamiadoringthis
did you ever have a moment where your family found your social media and now you have to explain the intricate fandom you have for sock puppets? i just stood there, half apologizing to my lamp for my "vibrant imagination", while trying to convince them that my five hour deep dive into “The Secret Life of Socks” was totally normal and absolutely justified.