so i forgot to eat all day and by 9pm my head was pounding and i realized all i had was a granola bar from this morning that i barely even chewed and then somehow ended up googling "what happens if you don't eat for a day" like that would fix anything.
so once in high school i accidentally showed up to class wearing two different shoes and when a friend pointed it out i tried to play it cool but the teacher was like "nice style choice" and everyone just lost it—now i can’t even remember what the lesson was about but i never wore mismatched shoes again.
so i just tried making ramen from scratch and ended up with a whole pot of what basically looked like colored water, like how do people do this, it should not be this hard to make something that is literally instant.
just cleaned the corner of the kitchen and now i feel like a professional organizer, but really all i did was move crumbs around and pretend that counts as adulthood while the pile of laundry stares me down.
so after 18 months of proving i am not the random stranger who racked up 200 thousand dollars in debt, i think i finally found the silver lining, at least i have a great story about how i got to learn all the ins and outs of identity theft and now i’m basically a fraud investigator, just not the kind that gets paid.
so i was convinced the dentist was gonna find a cavity since i felt this weird ache but it turns out my teeth are literally perfect and the relief is just unreal like how did i get so lucky after all that dread.
बस यार, ये दिन किसी ख़्वाब की तरह लगते हैं, रोज़ अस्पताल में बैठा हूं और हर बार सोचता हूं कि खुद के लिए क्या किया मैंने कभी، अब सिर्फ उसे देखता हूं, जबकि मेरे भाई-बहन बस पैसे भेज रहे हैं جیسے کہ سب ٹھیک ہے۔
yaar, matlab samjho na, I found an old sketchbook and suddenly remembered the hours spent drawing instead of sleeping—बिलकुल नहीं लगता कि वो वक्त कैसे बीत गया, अब वो सभी सपने कहां गए. no one to share that with anymore, बस यादें रह गईं.
every time i check my account and see the rent is due, it hits me hard knowing i cant even afford a decent gaming setup that i dream about, instead i am stuck with this outdated laptop that barely runs anything, yaar, matlab samjho na, ये कभी ठीक नहीं होता.
spent all evening trying to find the right fabric for this quilt but ended up just standing there staring at bolts, feeling more lost than when i started, like i just wanted something to inspire me and nothing did, ugh
یار، سمجھے نا، جب ایک بار میٹنگ میں غلطی سے اپنے سینئر کو “بابا” کہہ دیا تھا تو اس وقت احساس ہوا کہ کچھ غلط ہوا۔ وہ لوگ بالکل خاموش ہو گئے اور میں بس پھر “میں نے ایسا کہا” کا بہانہ کرتی رہی۔
i was at this dinner party trying to impress everyone and when the host asked if anyone wanted dessert i said "i can't have chocolate, i got heartburn" and then someone else chimed in with "are you allergic to love too?" and it just killed the whole vibe, i was so embarrassed.
yaar, matlab samjho na, i thought the landlord would kick me out for sure but somehow managed to pay it all this month. अभी तो बहुत tension thi, like can you believe that actually worked out?
sitting in my tiny apartment, staring at the walls that are literally closing in on me, while scrolling through social media and seeing friends get promotions and new homes, it just hits harder when every month feels like a struggle to sell old furniture just to pay for my kid's meds because insurance only covers half of the $4000 and it's like no one understands how exhausting it is to feel this ...
i just checked my bank account and i have like 30 dollars left until payday, rent is due next week and that flat tire i got the other day made me dip into my savings which was supposed to be for a winter coat that i probably can’t afford now and i just keep replaying the same thoughts over and over while sitting here in this tiny apartment feeling so isolated.
just opened the mail and the first thing isn’t a reminder for my car payment or another late fee but this letter from the community garden saying my plot was accepted and wow, i was so sure the whole thing was gonna end in me getting a giant pile of bills or something ridiculous after everything that happened and now i guess i have plants to think about? like actually growing something, i am still...
sitting in my tiny apartment with my awful salary and scrolling through social media, watching my friends get promoted or travel while i just spent three hours on hold crying because my insurance denied my surgery and i have no idea how i am going to pay for it.
my neighbor keeps playing the same song over and over, like its some kind of weird obsession, and i’m just sitting here trying to focus on work. it’s been three hours and the chorus is stuck in my head like a bad joke i cant escape from.
मेरे चार दोस्त हैं, सबके पास शानदार शादीशुदा ज़िंदगी और मस्त पार्टियाँ हैं - जबकि मैं यहाँ अपने छोटे से एक कमरे के फ्लैट में बैठा हूँ, चाय की ताज़गी के लिए भी पैसे नहीं हैं - यार, matlab samjho na, एक बार भी नहीं हुआ कि किसी ने मेरी प्रगति पर ध्यान दिया हो।
یار، کیا کہنے میں اب میں کہاں سے شروع کروں۔ میرے والدین نے میری قیمت لگاتے ہوئے جیسا محسوس ہوا جیسے بکریوں کی نیلامی ہو رہی ہو، کوئی سمجھتا نہیں کہ میں کیا محسوس کر رہا ہوں۔